I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
