A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
