Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
