how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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