The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
