Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
