so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
