I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
