At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
