Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Jerry, you need to find god
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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