I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
