can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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