i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
