i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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