Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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