..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
