Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize