That's when you crack a 10am beer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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