Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I supernannyed him into submission
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
