we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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