he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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