yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize