I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
