woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
