and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
