omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
