WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have fence marks all over my body
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
