I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I intend to get homeless drunk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize