the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
