You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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