He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
