I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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