omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
