I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
