I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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