i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
