I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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