I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
