we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
organizing the empties. That sober.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
