dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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