CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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