That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
