Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
