My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
