A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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