also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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