Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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