wakey wakey hands off snakey
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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