used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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