I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
