Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
