Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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