my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This is my gift to your gina
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
