Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We need to get me chipped asap
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
