Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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