Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
