Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
