I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize