I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
