then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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