dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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