I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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