i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
4 words: hood of his car
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize