She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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