Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
