GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
