i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
