I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Of course I have a pirate flag
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
