Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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