wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
