Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
