Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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