If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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