my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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