Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize