I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
