forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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