Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize