Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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