the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
