Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
