I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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